I haven't posted much but I've drafted a thousand posts in my head. There is so much I want to say and no time to write it all out.
Also, I think I want to try another blog name, I'm not feeling this one any more but I can't think of a blog name that suits.
It tricky.
In any case, its coming up on what would have been John and my first Anniversary. And then it will be a year that he has been gone. I'm dreading the date on both. Thankfully I'm usually not really aware of dates until I have an event at work or I have to schedule something so maybe it will come and go with me not knowing. That would be helpful.
There really is no escape from the thoughts that have plagued my mind since the day he passed. Even when I'm having a good day something will sleep through.
It's hard to believe that I've been without him for so long when the grief is still so fresh. It would be utterly unbearable, but I'm so busy that I can be distracted. Only at nighttime or weekends is it the hardest.
i pray that those dates and the holidays were ok for you. on what would have been our first anniversary, i took our frozen wedding cake out and ate it with my 5 year old nephew and 3 year old niece! on the one year anniversary of his passing, i tried to treat it like any other day. it was tough getting out of bed that morning, but once i got going things were ok. i get sick to my stomach now, thinking it has been over a year. i honestly thought that he'd be back by now. hope you are doing well.
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